If I were a lawyer, I’d only date women named Sue.

“To keep my cat from drinking out of the toilet, I could close the toilet lid, I…”

“How do you know you are who you are? How do you know you’re not simply a clone …”

“I called Phil up, but I didn’t call Phillip. He hung up on me, and I’m still hu…”

“She told me to draw the curtains shut, so I grabbed my pencil and began to sket…”