If I were a professor, I’d bring my cat to class. I’d be silent until it meowed, and as soon as it did, I’d stand up and say, “Lecture’s over.

“A part-time worker is fully employed, half the time. In other words, they are p…”

“I’ll refer my clones to businesses and negotiate a better price for myself. And…”

“I’ll wear a fork on my head, and if anybody wants a job, they can eat salad off…”

“I didn’t call her, but the phone works two ways. So does my love.”