If I were facing a firing squad, I’d ask them to hold on just one second, because I have a wedgie and it is very uncomfortable. Let me adjust myself, and then you can shoot me.

“How do you seduce a whole continent? One person at a time.”

“Things should go where I intend them to go, not where I tend to put them.”

“If I had four fingers growing out of my forehead, I wouldn't try to play the pi…”

“On Halloween I like to scare up business the old fashioned way: with flyers, bu…”