If I’m having sex during an earthquake, would I get a refund on all those quarters I just put in the vibrating bed?

“I carry a door with me wherever I go, because one, it’s symbolic for the opport…”

“I think the best punishment for a misbehaving child is to strap them to a chair…”

“Because I’m emotionally immature, I’d prefer letting go of you early and always…”

“I believe men belong in the garage, because that’s where the dog food is stored…”