If love were a collection of collections, would your relationship be banged-up baseball cards, or famous art? My love for you is famous art. You just have to wait for my death so my work can be honored posthumously, bringing in money precisely when I can’t spend it.

“Men lie to get laid, women lie about orgasms, and hermaphrodites lie to themsel…”

“A brick could be used to locate the precise coordinates of the Masons. Just fol…”

“I wear a helmet when I write, because if you’re doing it right, writing is dang…”

“I can’t tell you how much I love kissing ass. Especially wealthy, cellulose-sti…”