If my semen had chunks of crumbled brick in it, would you use yogurt to try to impregnate your fireplace? 


“When I see a beautiful woman, my heart doesn't go "Thump, thump." It goes "Hush…”

“When I turned 30, I was done with Thousand Island dressing. I have moved on to …”

“My soul is invisible, like an anorexic’s dinner, but it sure enhances how I fee…”

“What would people say about me? They would say I’m an enjoyable guy to be aroun…”