If you want to find dirt on me, wait until after I’m dead and buried.

“You can’t believe every word you read while watching TV. (Even with closed capt…”

“A brick could be dropped on your mother-in-law’s head from the height of 66.6 f…”

“I need to convince John to convince Jim to convince Jason that I don’t need con…”

“I fell in love with her the moment she was late, though neither one of us knew …”