If you were to stack up all the stupid things I’ve done, you couldn’t clean them with a thousand dishwashers.

“I feel like I’m late for love. I’ll be 30 in March. Damn it! I knew I should ha…”

“A blanket could be used to put out a fire. Unless that fire is in your heart, a…”

“This morning I ate a hamburger for breakfast, and then wept like a baby into an…”

“I’m in love with the customer service at Walmart. And by customer service I mea…”