I’ll keep you in my heart forever, just so long as you don’t clog up my arteries. Just so you know, my love is like extra gravy all the time.

“I’m a magician. I can make food appear—and out of my penis, no less.”

“Escalators are the offspring of elevators and stairs. Love is the progeny of pa…”

“I met a guy who had an interesting job. He was a meat cutter, or a meat slicer,…”

“I like food that speaks to me. Food like French toast, English muffins, and Dev…”