I’ll put an oven mitt on before I handle anything hot—including my penis.

“Kevin Love has a last name that sums up my feelings for you. But then again, so…”

“A brick could be used as a cuddle partner. Just glue some fur on it and voila! …”

“I’m underwhelming. Whelming is the woman riding me.”

“At the hospital, I won’t be in fair condition. I’ll be in unfair condition, and…”