I’m a competitor. I once placed fifth in a bottle of whiskey.

“Agatha told me she was late, and I thought, I haven’t slept with her in years—s…”

“I’ll trade my formal neckwear for your love, if your love has an equal or great…”

“Growing up, my bedroom was like a garage, only much smaller and with more lawnm…”

“Being vulgar to be funny is a crutch, and I prefer wheelchairs.”