I’m a door-to-door salesman. I sell doors. If I can’t knock on yours, because you don’t have a door to knock on, I know you’ll be interested in what I’m selling.

“What you consider gross—dead rats—I consider considerate gifts.”

“From where I live now I can walk to the beach, if I have about three weeks.”

“I can’t remember the last time I had fun. Wait, yes I can. It was 1989, and I w…”

“I may not be the greatest American, but I am a better American than all the peo…”