I’m a handyman. I work with my hand. I masturbate for a living. That’s right, I’m in politics.

“I’d rather be assassinated. It’s not like I’m doing anything this evening. Inev…”

“I don’t like it when I have guests over and my girlfriend doesn’t wear pants an…”

“I want to be like air. Invisible, yet everybody needs me in their life.”

“I let the feeling wash over me, and then I dried off with a fur coat and went f…”