I’m a magician. I can make food appear—and out of my penis, no less.

“Book: Ten Steps to Asexuality and Financial Freedom, by Lonely Path”

“Aaron Burr was probably a cold man.”

“They should make blindfolds with circles cut out where the eyes are, so kidnapp…”

“I traded in my car with no gas in the tank and my new car came with a full tank…”