I’m a miner, and I’m always dirty, because I’m constantly digging. Am I shoveling for gold? Hardly. I’m unearthing this hearty land searching for the next great American novel. If I dig deep enough, I’m sure to find it.

“If my love were a bagel, I’d put cream cheese on it. But it’s not a bagel, so I…”

“Without an apostrophe, she’ll is just a shell. And I am the turtle inside.”

“A brick could be used in a heart transplant operation. And for just $25,000 mor…”

“In my dream I was a seal, and I made love to a seagull. Then I got eaten by a s…”