I’m a model citizen. Mostly I model underwear.

“I called to tell her I loved her, which was smart, because if I’d have done it …”

“If my name were Oscar, I’d want to be an actor and win my namesake award and ta…”

“A woman in a box—a great gift for the husband who has everything.”

“My closet’s so full of memories and fearful homosexuals that I have nowhere to …”