I’m always amazed that my twin has the same birthday as me, and that he doesn’t exist. I wonder if I exist?

“There’s not a person alive who is ugly. Now dead people, they disgust me.”

“I bought you a box of karate chops, but it could be dangerous to open it with a…”

“Not only did I not join, but now I can’t quit. I’m a nonmember for life.”

“A brick is a good object to hide a house key under. No burglar will be able to …”