I’m at the top of my game. And that game is Monopoly. I’m standing on the board right now.

“How many midget feet can you fit in your shoes? Depends on how big your penis i…”

“There are three things I look for in a woman to potentially date, and one of th…”

“I would crack a smile, but I don’t like breaking things.”

“I dressed up like a horse, and my horse-faced friend dressed up like a jockey. …”