I’m creative, I make up almost everything. But with all my creativity, I couldn’t make up with my wife.

“A brick can’t cure cancer. But who knows, maybe a brick combined with a blanket…”

“I have a nervous lips tick, so naturally I try to cover it up with lipstick.”

“I dated an IRS agent, and I cheated on her. Not with a woman, but on my taxes.”

“My comfort zone is right above the ozone layer.”