I’m growing a love seat in my heart. It’s leather and covered in fur, from a mix up with my cat’s back, some glue, my tongue, and my confusion over how to best clean the chair.

“Just because I look like John Wayne (at least my liver looks identical to his) …”

“Learning how to love is like learning how to tie your shoes, and that’s precise…”

“I’d imagine if you called me Cherry Cheeks, it’d make me blush like a salad.”

“If I ever meet Michael Phelps, I’m going to tell him that I am that Michael Phe…”