I’m not a good liar, and that makes me a good liar, because liars are bad, and bad liars are good.

“I’m older now, which I can’t help, but I’m also fatter, thanks to all the extra…”

“My father says I have a knack for business. And he should know, because he’s be…”

“He wore red, white, and blue, but he didn’t look patriotic—he looked like a slo…”

“I can’t do my job, if you don’t do yours. I also can’t do my job, so can you do…”