I’m older now, which I can’t help, but I’m also fatter, thanks to all the extra helpings.

“A brick could be used to double back, donkey levitate cough meow cough meow his…”

“The last time I went speed dating, I brought a radar gun. I got clocked at over…”

“In the throes of passion, I threw out an I love you. Did I mean it? Does a dict…”

“I admire the Stanley Cup. I’ll bet winning it could provide enough clean water …”