I’m only 33% patriotic, because I don’t bleed red, white, and blue. I only bleed red. But I pee white and my balls are blue, so doesn’t that count for something?

“I got shingles from my ex girlfriend. But that’s to be expected, since she is a…”

“I wish I could bottle up my penis and sell it at a garage sale. But first I nee…”

“Like ice, this economy is more fluid than ever. Thanks, Washington, DC!”

“Love isn’t stackable and interlocking, like boxes or Legos. Love is like a one-…”