I’m so constipated that every time I go to shit, the only thing that comes out is political rhetoric.

“I’ve often wondered why boxing gloves are bright red. If I were a boxer, I’d we…”

“I know what it means to be alone, especially in a large group of clones.”

“I went to school to be a comedian. I was always cracking jokes in class. And af…”

“When I first heard Twilight was a book about vampires that sparkled in the ligh…”