I’m so silent I can hardly hear myself think. But that’s why I bought the scissors and the condom.

“A brick could be used to get a new job. Hire me! I have a brick, and I’m not af…”

“I'm sure glad socks are made out of cotton, and not ice-cube trays, because I d…”

“When the going gets tough, the tough give thanks for their mountain bike. I’m s…”

“When I was two, a year was half of my life. It must have felt like forever. But…”