I’m sure I look memorable in my tuxedo, and she looks gorgeous in her wedding gown. I’ve wanted to marry her since I first met her. And being the best man doesn’t make me feel better.

“If you’re an invisible person, of course you’re going to dress ostentatiously a…”

“You don’t need to windup the wind to keep it going. It’s the same with my erect…”

“I bought you a box of karate chops, but it could be dangerous to open it with a…”

“Alcohol is the motorcycle of beverages. Liver fast, die young.”