I’m the kind of guy who turns my fan on in winter, only to then go and add another blanket on top of my bed. I practice inefficiency even while I sleep, so I’ll be prepared to one day be a politician.

“I’ll only date a girl if she has a lot of class. And if she is 18, I don’t care…”

“I paid her a little visit, and I used a coupon with the purchase.”

“When I sing, it sounds like I’m gargling spaghetti. Is it any wonder that women…”

“Come, midget, and use my pillow as a sleeping bag.”