I’m trying to cover all my bases so I can be a complete baseball nonplayer. I’ve already not bought a bat, a glove, and a bed to sleep on.

“Weeping willows remind me of summer. And sadness. I wonder if tissues are made …”

“I could inject a brick in each of my butt cheeks and then be like ancient Greec…”

“I own a few yawns that I rent out to people who are tired of the sleazy snooze …”

“I took a vow to stop taking things.”