I’m very close to my dad. He’s about six inches away right now and snoring in my ears.

“Surfers catch waves, and so do people being told goodbye.”

“I love how sincere she is. She makes a mannequin look like Mother Theresa, thou…”

“Revenge seeks its pound of flesh. That’s one fifth of my erection.”

“If I shed my skin like a shed, rather than a snake, then you might expect me to…”