I’m willing to die for the woman I love. I just want to take 75 years to do it.

“Chop off my erection. That way you don’t have to go battery-operated penis shop…”

“I would never date Austin. Not that it’s gay, but it’s simply too densely popul…”

“I gave her a Boston cream pie, even though we were in Seattle at the time.”

“A brick could be used as a spoon—to eat, not cuddle. OK fine, you can use it to…”