In the 48 hours following my discovery of her infidelity, I found out she’d been with three other guys—two of them being conjoined twins. The twins didn’t go to our school, and they weren’t homeschooled either. They were 57-years-old and homeless.

“My love is like hooray! Special terms and conditions may apply. See dealer for …”

“I’m in danger of losing my job as official scribe to my inner voice.”

“He was thoughtless, not because he was insensitive, but because I had just eate…”

“I’ll flick a penny to the dirt, and if I see one on the ground I won’t pick it …”