Instead of putting a Band Aid on your cut finger, why not just amputate at the elbow? See, I’m a problem solver. I should go into politics.

“I put the “phony” in symphony. Will you be attending my fake concert? It’s a bl…”

“People always ask me if I’m into sports, and I say, “Well, isn’t writing a spor…”

“In this moment I’m reminded of Thor tutoring me math in the second grade. Thor …”

“You can read until you’re blue in the face, but I’d recommend writing until you…”