Is it better to win over the hearts and minds of the people, or imprison them and torture them into telling you they love you? These are the tough decisions a future tyrant, I mean President, may have to make.

“What’s the halfway point on a burrito called? Sadness.”

“What you’d call stealing, I’d call a mistake. Or, if I were a politician, I’d c…”

“Life didn’t hand me lemons. Or limes. But staying with the citrus motif, it did…”

“My wife loves me for me, and hates me for her.”