It’s disturbing to me that criminals are freely roaming the streets of our nation’s capital. I’m not talking about escaped prison inmates—I’m talking about politicians.

“A blanket could be used as a stool softener. Or it could also be used to soften…”

“I’d imagine if you called me Cherry Cheeks, it’d make me blush like a salad.”

“The elephant in the room is my limp penis.”

“When my now ex wife said she wanted a separation, I was horrified. So I said, “…”