It’s hard to type with gloves on. It’s also hard to type with just an erection. It’s basically like typing with one finger, and in my case, a pinky.

“I wrote a thesis on love, and I wrote it in lipstick. Of course, I also got blo…”

“Sometimes I’ll read a book and feel it was written just for me. Then I’ll flip …”

“Chairs have legs. Four of them, like my father. Meow.”

“Coupons are easy to counterfeit, so why not make a bunch of one dollar off coup…”