It’s just a dream, I told myself. I hate when I dream of alarm clocks going off.

“I remember I laughed so hard I cried. But my response was half appropriate, bec…”

“A brick could be used to enhance your sex life. So what are you waiting for? Ge…”

“I bought an empty safe, and I keep it empty, because safety doesn’t exist, so m…”

“I am the egg salad sandwich of love. The only problem is, I’m in the mood for a…”