It’s not stealing if I didn’t know it was in anybody’s possession, and I didn’t know I had it. It’s merely inadvertent taking. (I thought that bulge in my pocket was my erection.)

“If I were to come back in another life, I’d like to be reincarnated as my own c…”

“I collect hair. I keep most of it on my floor, but my most valuable patches I d…”

“I've eaten cat food before. Of course, the menu listed it as "Chicken Lo Mein.”

“What’s blacker than black? Does summer shade have a shadow? Is that how lonelin…”