I’ve gone astray. It’s better to cook with a stray than eat your own cat.

“A blanket could be used to keep me from exploding. My patience is wearing thin,…”

“I want a trophy wife, because the only thing I’ve ever won is a fourth-place ri…”

“I stole her perfume out of her car, and in its place I left a loud fart.”

“I heard God in the silence. I recognized his voice precisely because it was ina…”