Let love find you. Don’t go looking for it. The best way to attract a mate is to post an ad on Craigslist titled, “Have lube, will travel.

“The world is my canvas, and my ponytail is my paintbrush. Helen Keller probably…”

“My love for you is shaped like a left foot. And if you pulled my love out of yo…”

“Friends are like orgasms: you can never have too many, but just try to watch ou…”

“I’m not a consumer, because consumers are consumed with shopping. No, I prefer …”