Life's too short to take yourself seriously, and too long to take a wife jokingly.

“A brick could be used as a dream stimulator. Just tap it gently against your fo…”

“Even when we’re old, I’ll still look at you with the same eyes. (Who else’s eye…”

“Don’t try to pull the wool over my eyes. You can’t fool an old sheep like me. T…”

“The site of her warmed my heart, like a mitten over my penis. 
Can you please p…”