Look me in the eye and tell me you don’t love a man who wears an eye patch. For me, Dress-Like-A-Pirate Day occurs once a year, and lasts all year.

“I invented underwear with only one leg hole, for people who like to concentrate…”

“If you listen to the rain long enough, you’ll eventually soak up the wisdom.”

“A football could be swapped out for a brick, to make family reunion football ga…”

“I want to leave a legacy. I'll leave him in the trunk, tied up, at a parking ga…”