Love will make a man do some funny things, like tightrope walking across a telephone wire, rather than simply picking up the phone to call or text.

“What is your SPM (sperm per meal) content? A politician’s is very high.”

“If you’re going to hold a grudge, at least put on an oven mitt before you pick …”

“To show the football coach I was ready to play tight end, I wore no pants and h…”

“A brick could be attached to a parachute and tossed out of an airplane, to test…”