Me and my girlfriend aren’t a good fit. Her clothes are much too small for me.

“I plan on putting off death my whole life.”

“A door shaped like a vagina is more inviting. Sure, I’ll come in, but not slouc…”

“Sometimes I wish I were someone else. Times like those I borrow somebody else’s…”

“Once the orange juice wears off, I might be drunk. I love vodka.”