Me and my wife are happy. At least when we are not together.

“My wife won’t talk to me, but that’s OK, because it’s not like I’d listen if sh…”

“I’m running late. But that’s OK, because I’m wearing Nikes.”

“Make pizza, not war. No matter how you slice it, that’s wise.”

“All I could do was laugh, but it wasn’t funny. I find it incredibly sad to be t…”