Most men want sex, without the kids or commitment. I want sex, but I don’t want to have to pay any money. But is that possible? I should invent a vending machine that dispenses sex. I guess it’ll also distribute political favors.

“Love is tender, like the pot roast I’m keeping warm in my shoes.”

“I’m a designer. I’m trying to design a half a person, but I’m looking for a bus…”

“My goal is to do the most with the least—get the maximum output with the minimu…”

“To me, the perfect date consists of dinner, dancing, and sex with a girl who ha…”