Most people like winners, but I prefer underdogs. They’re more fun to pet.

“My grandpa died yesterday. I ought to know, because I shot him. So come, join m…”

“Maybe one day I could fly all over the world and meet other interesting birds.”

“I carry a little plastic tub with me, and I put my most valuable possessions in…”

“The first man to successfully clone himself deserves to pat himself on the back…”