Mr. Pullum is a dick, and if he were two dicks, he’d like to pullum both.

“I used to have straw-colored hair. Horses loved it.”

“Ten years have gone by since the ten year anniversary, and I still remember it …”

“I'm not interested in you as a person. I am, however, interested in you as a ba…”

“I had a dream where I drank my own grandma. What she was doing disguised as a b…”