My asshole is supportive of me. No matter what, good or bad, it’s always right there behind me.

“My skyscraper of a heart met an earthquake of a woman. Why can’t I meet a simpl…”

“I’d rate myself five stars, and those stars would all be fish. My review was of…”

“My name is spelled “Spelled,” but it’s pronounced “Pronounced.”

“I know a woman loves me when she leaves me leftovers in the fridge from the dat…”