My birthday is on a holiday. I just have to wait until I die and they commemorate me.

“Cats are like mushrooms, only you'll rarely ever hear me scream, "Get off my pi…”

“Bums are called bums because they sit on their ass all day.”

“I started writing to get women, or rather a particular woman, and I continue wr…”

“A half-truth is 90% of the story. The other 10% is tithed to God.”