My cat’s favorite chew toy is a pen. I’d wager that he is a better writer than me.

“I’ll make a goofy face at you. It’s just another stunning example of my ability…”

“I once saw a snake having sex with a vulture, and I thought, It’s just business…”

“The state of North Carolina, Daisy, and John Wayne walked into a bar, and I sho…”

“I don’t think he’s dumber than a politician. But only because it’s not possible…”